I swear...

If I so much as hear a peep about marriage, I am going to burst!
Is it the new thing of 2007 that people have to talk about damn marriages? hell, don't get me wrong, if marriage is ur thing, then kudos but i don't want to spend my whole day talking about it with u. And yea, this first five times u showed me ur engagement ring, I thot it was really cute, but every other time after that, it has taken patience i wasn't aware I had to keep me from shoving the ring down ya throat, and that is me being honest...
I am not tying to hate on anyone, but ladies, because u have been proposed to and are getting married doesn't mean I have to jump on the bandwagon right now as well. I mean, I always imagined I'd get married, but i thot I would be close to thirty, and would have sown my oats first.
This venting has been a long time coming. It started when I graduated from college some years back. After the ceremeony, we were taking pictures when people started making cracks about me getting married as the next step to graduating. well excuse the fuck outta me, i thot i was going back to school, get a job and find myself in the process, but shit if u guys want me married, then I suppose I can drop everything I'd planned and just jump on ur train.
Fastforward to thanksgiving...
My mom had come to town for the holidays and we had a jolly old time. popsie didn't show but we made the most of the time we had. couple of hours before i'm due to drop her off at the train station, she calls me into my room, sat me on the bed and
mom: so, bawoni (whatz going on)?
moi: bawo ni kini?
mom: ehn, so about ur husband to be, when are we going to meet him?
moi: oh, thatz easy! u'll meet him after i do, and when we've decided we are going to get married of course.
Mom: ok, if you say so, but are there any possibilities right now.
moi: (getting flustered) no, but i'll let you know ( n thinking i will when people start shitting monkeys).
mom: why are there no possibilities?
moi: I don't know. But I am waiting on God. ( and of course, I'm thinking it might be because I opted for the license-plate placard as opposed to one announcing my singlehood and desperate need for a husband).

I suppose after i'd told her I was waiting on God, she was persuaded. This wasn't untrue, but at the time, I was not worried about being married. Matter of fact, I considered myself way too young for that institution. I would get little comments about it every once in a while, and I always managed to brush it off. Living in different cities helped as well, as they couldn't get on my case everyday.

Then came the 21questions from extended families! Haba, these are people who made no impact whatsoever in my life o. I hadn't even heard of most of them until I came to live in the states, and all of a sudden, they deemed themselves authority figures on me living my life. Shio. I for cuss people out if I wasn't worried about giving my mom a heart attack.

Oh, and did I mention the family friends? And by these I mean my parentz friends. awon gboran mi deleru, adani duro de oni gbese eni (busybodies for short). again, these are all poeple i met when I came to live in the states, even though i'd heard about some from naija.
One of them in particualr actually sat me down when I was just 21 and said, i can do more than one thing at a time, meaning school and of course marriage. It all sounded so techincal and I couldn't help but be disgusted even though I know she probably said it cos she cares.
Everytime I come in contact with or talk to these people, I am subjected to the same convo, to the point where I would get on the defensive before they can even start, and I started to avoid them altogether. Sad! I know!
I happened to run into one of such women not too long ago and she accused me of not calling her. I wish I would have been able to tell her the reason, but as always, I kept it to myself.

Lately though, my dad's been the one on the marriage trip. hell, it's not like i'm shrivelling like some old prune, but pops been on the marriage bandwagon lately, and its knocking on my last nerve. I was home for a couple of weeks last month when he started asking questions. Funny enough, my mom is now of the mind that it will happen when it happens, and she usually is the one who bugs about things like that.
After i'd fended off different ways the question could be asked, he came home one day all excited.

pops: hey, i've got great news! ur friend in nigeria got married!

moi: I had tons of friends in naija, and some I still keep in touch with, but seeing as how he knows about the wedding and I didn't, whoever it was couldn't have been that close a friend.
pops: well, i suppose he wasn't much ur friend. well, actually, he's ur cousin on ur mom's side of the family thru so n so ( n he launched into my pedigree, most of which i still don't have a clue about).

moi: I still don't know him...

Pops: well, he went to school with ur younger brother, so he's ways younger than you.

At this point, I am feigning a yawn, cause there is no way I am sitting through a discussion where the main focus is where a 22yr old guy (give or take one year) just got married and my ass is still single.

Fast forward to last nite. I get another call, and it's my pops again. we chatted about random things and out of nowhere he said to me, "igbawo ni o ma mu oko e wa ko wa mowa o?" (when are we going to meet your intended...
I'm so stunned by the sudden change in convo, that all I can manage are a couple of ems. And pops, bless his heart, thinking i hadn't heard the question, repeated himself. I got myself out of my reverie to mumble a when I know, you'll find out. Thankfully he got off the phone, but not before reminding me that time waits for no man.
At this point, I was already seething. I don't know what I'm s'posed to do. In case people are not getting the memo, I like my life the way it is now. Single befits me, and I am happy! isn't that what should matter?
Hell, even if I wanted to get married three years ago and it didn't happen, would it kill people to not talka bout it all the time. I feel like I had to defend and explain my singlehood to everyone, and frankly, I'm shot of the idea...

the next person to ask me why i'm still single better pray, because i am jsut ready to get physical!